Kenny Tran to Learn & to Share

“I am, therefore I exist,” is a phrase affirming one’s existence as a being. It may be a simple phrase, but it says everything about the being saying them. It indicates a confidence not commonly found among other beings.

But why do people need affirmation? Why do beings need to be affirmed? Is existence relative to one’s affirmation?

Affirmation is a very powerful technique to empower one’s subconscious. Once the subconscious is disciplined to believe one’s affirmation, the latter is converted into a positive action for the conscious mind. Through affirmation, beings are empowered to do, to work, and to strive for more things. Affirmation allows people to believe in themselves and to put their thoughts into action.

Affirmation is a combination of verbal and visual techniques of a preferred state of mind of a person. Strong affirmations can be very powerful, and can be used by almost anyone to achieve his goals and fulfill his desires. However, the power of an affirmation depends on how strong or weak an affirmation is.

Affirmation is merely an assertion made by a person, about something or about a state of being. A person can affirm those that he chooses to attain, like “I now have a good life.” Being healthy in mind, body, and spirit can also be made possible through affirmation.

A strong affirmation should be stated in the present tense to be more effective. An affirmation of “I am now a happy being” is more effective than an affirmation saying, “I am going to become a happy being.” Affirmation should always be in positive terms because it is supposed to work for you and not against you. Instead of saying, “I am not sad,” why not make an affirmation saying, “I am happy.”

An affirmation should be made up of simple but concise words, and it should be short to be more effective. A very long affirmation can work the other way around, instead of creating a positive mindset for a person. A short affirmation can be easily spoken and repeated by a person. It can serve as a mantra that can be repeated over and over again.

To be effective, an affirmation must be repeated. Repetition works and influences the subconscious, which in turn motivates the person into acting out his affirmation. A person who creates the affirmation should be deeply involved with the words he will be using, so he will be able to actualize his affirmation. Writing words that one believes in can be very powerful, and this can be put to good use when creating an affirmation.

However, creating an affirmation alone and repeating them a million times would not make the affirmation a state of mind. The important thing is to live one’s affirmation and to be open-minded enough to do the things that would help the affirmation become a reality. Feeling the affirmation and applying it in one’s life will help in making the affirmation a reality.

While affirmation is generally used to make an individual better, it can also be used to boost or confirm another person’s value. By affirming another person‘s existence, you are helping him improve his self-worth.

Affirmation is a very simple thing that can make a very big difference in a person‘s life. It can be a great motivator and can make things happen.

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One of the basic needs of man is to feel accepted. Knowing this is the secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships with various types of people.

A number of books, articles and seminars have taken the role of educating people like you on the different ways of associating with people and building lasting relationships with them. There are several things that you can do when associating with other people.

One of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of man’s basic needs is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Man feels the sense of belonging in either small groups like a family and small circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments and parties.

People have to feel they belong and are needed. One way to convey acceptance of people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the message that their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance.

Have you ever been in any of the following situations?

• While sharing an important insight, somebody would finish the sentence for you.
• While narrating what happened over the weekend, somebody would butt in and narrate a similar story.
• In a meeting, the boss would cut you short while you are still explaining your side.
• You ask your child about his day in school and he runs straight to his room.
• You wanted to discuss something with your spouse but he is busy watching football.

How did you feel? Not good, right? It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.

At the onset of life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends, teachers, peers, bosses, officemates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.

Imagine a life with total absence of acceptance. Envision the life of babies who were abandoned by their mothers. Imagine the effect this will have on the babies’ emotional well-being. It is very possible that these kids will grow up dejected and feeling discriminated. The effects of discrimination can result to resentment and, if uncontrolled, can result to violent tendencies.

The feeling of resentment that is harbored overtime can escalate to anger and hostility. When a person becomes hostile, violence erupts. Resentment is like a forest fire - it can turn wild especially when fanned with more resentments. The mere civil act of accepting a person “can make or break them,” as the saying goes.

Acceptance must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return. There should be no “no strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the future.

Unconditional acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time, you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person whom you have accorded respect and acceptance.

Be willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as well.

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Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – “How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?” Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? The first step is to love yourself.

My theology professor once said that “loving means accepting.” To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life lit it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? I tell you… every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFLs. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “Geez, I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out. We could have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best. So, how do you become genuinely happy? Every one has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success. So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”. For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Again, throw me that same question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll refer you to a friend of mine who strongly quoted - “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Coz then you don’t just become happy… you become free.”

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