Posts in the [25 Ways To Win With People] series:
- 25 Ways to Win with People - How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks
- Be A Winner YourSelf First
- 30-Second Rule
- Let People Know You Need Them
- Create A Memory and Visit It Often
- Compliment People In Front Of Other People
- Give Others A Reputation To Uphold
- Say The Right Words At The Right Time
- Encourage The Dream Of Others
- Pass The Credit On To Others
- Offer Your Very Best
- Share A Secret With Someone
- Mine The Gold Of Good Intentions
- Keep Your Eyes Off The Mirror
- Do For Others What They Can’t Do For Themselves
- Listen With Your Heart
- Find The Keys To Their Hearts
- Be The First To Help
- Add Value To People
- Remember A Person’s Story
- Tell A Good Story
- Give With No Strings Attached
- Learn Your Mailman’s Name
- Point Out People’s Strengths
- Write Notes Of Encouragement
- Help People Win
Everyone understands that effective listening is a powerful communication. But how many can practice that in daily life? Listening with your heart is to find out people’s feeling, not just their ideas. That’s right. Do the following if you want to master the skills of listening “between the lines”.
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Focus on the person: Do you agree that all the meanings of communication are not in words, but in people? Most of the time, words and meanings are just not together. That’s why you need to focus on the person to find out the meaning of what’s being said. Are you impatient? Then slow down… put the person ahead of the ideas expressed.
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Unclog your ears: However, although you have focused on the person, you may still experience difficulties in effective listening due to:
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Distractions - Phone calls, TV, pagers, etc… mainly make listening become almost impossible.
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Defensiveness - If you think criticizing equals to personal attack, your mind will change to defensive mode. As a consequence, you will listen or concern little to what others feel or think.
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Close-mindedness - You think you have all the answers? Then your mind closes and hence, your ears.
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Projection - “I think that they will feel … in this case”. Sound familiar? How will you perceive others’ true feeling when you already “know” what they feel?
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Assumptions - If you jump to conclusion too fast, you won’t bother to listen anymore.
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Pride - Thinking you have little to learn from others is the most dangerous listening-killer.
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–> Always put yourself in a good physical and mental environment in order to remove difficulities and listen effectively.
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Listen aggressively: Be an active listener, not just a passive one. Be a proactive listener, not just a reactive one. Ask relevant questions; involve yourself in the stories; response with good answers, etc.
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Listen to understand: is different from listening to reply, which most people do. And that’s where problems in communication arise. Always trying to convince others and express your ideas is the biggest mistake. What most people want is to be listened and understood. Once they feel they are understood, they will become more motivated to understand you. That’s why listening with your heart produces a win-win situation in relationships.
Practice:
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Understand people first before expressing your points.
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Think of a way to better feel what others feel.
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Remove distractions to effectively and aggressively listen.
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Remember, the best way to persuade is with your ears.
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Saturday, May 5, 2007





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